We're Moving! . . . maybe

That's right, we're moving. Not the blog, I mean really moving. Like many people out there, we've been struggling financially and for the last couple months haven't been able to keep up with our mortgage payment. So, we've put the place on the market for a short sale. We'll be moving out of state and fulfilling our dream.

So, we've been scouring rental websites, my husband has been spending a lot of time on the phone to various rental management companies, and we've found several places we like. The other day we found one that was just about perfect, so we jumped on it and sent our application right in. It's a lovely place on a court, 4 bedrooms, about 500 sq ft bigger than the place we have now. There's a huge backyard perfect for our girls (the 4 legged kind that bark). Got the call yesterday that we were approved and needed to send in the security deposit. Getting ready to run to the bank for a cashier's check I got another call. "Oops, wait a sec, what about this mortgage payment we see?" Well, that's the house we're selling through a Short Sale process. "Oh, I didn't know that. Can you call *** at our main office and tell her that and make sure that is still ok?" WHAT!!! We stopped even considering any other places. I told my friends and family that we got the place. Showed them pictures. Posted it to my FaceBook account, and now they tell me "fooled ya, ha, ha, neener, neener, neener. You don't really have the house yet." Is it just me or is that totally ****** up? Not fair to tell us yes, then say "well maybe not." And of course the lady at their main office isn't there when I call. Her message says to give her 24 hours to call back. My sanity won't hold on for 24 hours! I'm going to lose my freaking mind by then. It's bad enough we lost all the equity we had in our house, that we have to move out on short notice, and I'm stressing out about that. A 2 day drive, with me, my son and our girls in my SUV and my husband in the moving truck driving half way across the country. Trying to find a hotel half way through that will let 2 big dogs stay in the room, and another in town since we'll arrive late on a Sunday. Stretching the money we've managed to save not paying the mortgage for a couple months plus my tax returns to pay the security deposit, 1st month's rent, the moving truck, and all the necessities we'll have to get as soon as we arrive. No, that's not enough stress to pile on one person. Don't be silly. Lets taunt you with the possibility of not getting the rental house we already told you that you have. I hope they're getting a good laugh out of this.

If I wasn't so against using alcohol to self-medicate, I'd go get a bottle of coconut rum and get schnockered! But that little voice in my head that tells me alcoholism is hereditary just won't let me drink to feel better. I'll get into that another time.

This is so frustrating. It's affecting my work, I can't convince myself to finish packing and getting the house ready to show. I have a short temper and keep snapping at my son (sorry kiddo). I feel tears burning the back of my eyes that won't fall, which is giving me a headache. I can hardly eat even though I'm hungry. And I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep for a week until it's all over. I don't feel like myself. For the first time that I can ever remember my mind isn't churning thought after thought. In fact, I can hardly keep a coherent thought in my mind at all.

I am trying to convince myself that I'm worrying over nothing. But what better to worry about than the future of my family? The very roof over our heads? Not quite ready to live in my car thank you very much. It's not like we can't afford the place. I make almost 5 times what the rent is on the place we're getting. I budgeted it so that we'd be able to put at least $400 in savings every month, and that's just my salary! Doesn't include anything my husband makes from whatever job he manages to get. Doesn't include anything I make off my home based business. I don't see the problem? The rent is $650 less a month than our mortgage. Come on people! Cut us a little slack, we're trying!

I'd like to say that's the end of my personal pity party, but I think I'll sit around and feel sorry for myself a little longer. At least for a couple more hours, I'll shake it off before my son's 8th grade graduation tonight. No point in feeling like this during such an important time for him. So I'll take all the sorry, worry, stress, and anger and tuck it into a tight little ball to store in a tightly locked box in the back of my mind, and give him the proud mama he deserves to have at his graduation. After all, you only graduate from 8th grade once.

So I'll go take a few deep breaths and maybe go grab a Starbucks coffee or a chocolate candy bar. And try not to totally go off the deep end until I hear back. Wish me luck.

Until next time,

The Blogoholic

Sure, kick me while I'm down

There is a song that I heard on the radio today, it's by Tim McGraw. The first part is:
"You know those times when you feel that there's a sign there on your back, says I don' t mind if you kick me, seems like every body has. Things go from bad to worse, you think they can't get worse than than, and then they do." Well, my life kinda feels like that right now. With the economy being what it is, the poor job market, and the college fees going up so we can't afford for my husband to take classes this semester, and being so far upside down in the mortgage that we can't get out from under the house, I'm a little on edge lately. Every little thing right now pushes me over the edge.

I'm sitting in my living room, stewing over my darling husband not doing the one thing I asked him to today. Just drop a couple things off at the post office. Home all day, all he had to do was watch our son (who's almost 14, so it's not a full time thing), and take him to Karate class. I get home, and what do I see, the packages still sitting on the table where I left them for him last night. Customer orders that really needed to ship today, and here they are gathering dust.

I know I'm over reacting, but I was so mad when I saw them that I started yelling at my empty house. You'd think that working a full time job, and trying to run a small business on the side that he could step in and handle the important little things for me. It's not like he's working right now or going to school. Which is part of the problem.

Top it all off, he just called to let me know they were headed home, and could hear in my voice that I was upset about something. I told him why I was upset, and he felt so bad and apologized over and over, which just made me start crying. I know I must be totally stressed out if an apology can make me cry like that.

How do you get your life back on track when you're so derailed you can't even see the tracks anymore? One day, one step, one inch at a time.

Until next time,

The Blogoholic

Around the World

My wonderful son, the adorable teenager that he is, has interesting taste in music. He's very open minded, enjoying everything from Bach to Linkin Park. Today he's decided to listen to the same song, over and over again. Have you heard the Around the World song? It's very repetative, and it goes like this: Around the world, around the world, around the world, around the world, around the world.... etc. You get the point. But in case you don't, just play this.

Well, the first time through it's funny. The second time through I wondered how many times they actually say "around the world". By the fifth time through I wanted to pull out my hair and shove it in my ears so I didn't have to hear it anymore. Then my brain decided to turn on, and I grabbed a pair of headphones, stuck them in his computer and handed them to him. Ah, peace and quiet. I'm not one to begrudge my kid the ability to listen to whatever music he enjoys (though I do pay attention to language and the message the songs portray). But other than that, he can listed to whatever genre makes him happy. And does, sometimes he plays classical music on his piano, sometimes he listens to country with me, other times he's listening to heavy metal, and now and then he listens to songs from animated films. I'm very happy that he has such broad interests. I just don't want to hear "Around the World" again, and wish it would stop playing in my head. AAAAAAHHHHHH Get Out Of My Brain!!!!

Until next time,

The Blogoholic