We're Moving! . . . maybe

That's right, we're moving. Not the blog, I mean really moving. Like many people out there, we've been struggling financially and for the last couple months haven't been able to keep up with our mortgage payment. So, we've put the place on the market for a short sale. We'll be moving out of state and fulfilling our dream.

So, we've been scouring rental websites, my husband has been spending a lot of time on the phone to various rental management companies, and we've found several places we like. The other day we found one that was just about perfect, so we jumped on it and sent our application right in. It's a lovely place on a court, 4 bedrooms, about 500 sq ft bigger than the place we have now. There's a huge backyard perfect for our girls (the 4 legged kind that bark). Got the call yesterday that we were approved and needed to send in the security deposit. Getting ready to run to the bank for a cashier's check I got another call. "Oops, wait a sec, what about this mortgage payment we see?" Well, that's the house we're selling through a Short Sale process. "Oh, I didn't know that. Can you call *** at our main office and tell her that and make sure that is still ok?" WHAT!!! We stopped even considering any other places. I told my friends and family that we got the place. Showed them pictures. Posted it to my FaceBook account, and now they tell me "fooled ya, ha, ha, neener, neener, neener. You don't really have the house yet." Is it just me or is that totally ****** up? Not fair to tell us yes, then say "well maybe not." And of course the lady at their main office isn't there when I call. Her message says to give her 24 hours to call back. My sanity won't hold on for 24 hours! I'm going to lose my freaking mind by then. It's bad enough we lost all the equity we had in our house, that we have to move out on short notice, and I'm stressing out about that. A 2 day drive, with me, my son and our girls in my SUV and my husband in the moving truck driving half way across the country. Trying to find a hotel half way through that will let 2 big dogs stay in the room, and another in town since we'll arrive late on a Sunday. Stretching the money we've managed to save not paying the mortgage for a couple months plus my tax returns to pay the security deposit, 1st month's rent, the moving truck, and all the necessities we'll have to get as soon as we arrive. No, that's not enough stress to pile on one person. Don't be silly. Lets taunt you with the possibility of not getting the rental house we already told you that you have. I hope they're getting a good laugh out of this.

If I wasn't so against using alcohol to self-medicate, I'd go get a bottle of coconut rum and get schnockered! But that little voice in my head that tells me alcoholism is hereditary just won't let me drink to feel better. I'll get into that another time.

This is so frustrating. It's affecting my work, I can't convince myself to finish packing and getting the house ready to show. I have a short temper and keep snapping at my son (sorry kiddo). I feel tears burning the back of my eyes that won't fall, which is giving me a headache. I can hardly eat even though I'm hungry. And I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep for a week until it's all over. I don't feel like myself. For the first time that I can ever remember my mind isn't churning thought after thought. In fact, I can hardly keep a coherent thought in my mind at all.

I am trying to convince myself that I'm worrying over nothing. But what better to worry about than the future of my family? The very roof over our heads? Not quite ready to live in my car thank you very much. It's not like we can't afford the place. I make almost 5 times what the rent is on the place we're getting. I budgeted it so that we'd be able to put at least $400 in savings every month, and that's just my salary! Doesn't include anything my husband makes from whatever job he manages to get. Doesn't include anything I make off my home based business. I don't see the problem? The rent is $650 less a month than our mortgage. Come on people! Cut us a little slack, we're trying!

I'd like to say that's the end of my personal pity party, but I think I'll sit around and feel sorry for myself a little longer. At least for a couple more hours, I'll shake it off before my son's 8th grade graduation tonight. No point in feeling like this during such an important time for him. So I'll take all the sorry, worry, stress, and anger and tuck it into a tight little ball to store in a tightly locked box in the back of my mind, and give him the proud mama he deserves to have at his graduation. After all, you only graduate from 8th grade once.

So I'll go take a few deep breaths and maybe go grab a Starbucks coffee or a chocolate candy bar. And try not to totally go off the deep end until I hear back. Wish me luck.

Until next time,

The Blogoholic

I'm Underpaid!

A day in my work life. Get up and grab my BlackBerry, which has been buzzing at me to get up for at least a half an hour before I listen. Check my emails to see how many "emergencies" there are already. Depending on the day, either hop right on the computer or drive over an hour to the office to work. Paniced calls and emails, "the program isn't working", "XYZ template has a problem", "I need a report", and other such urgent issues that everyone needs handled that very minute or it's the end of the world.

This is the job I've come to love. Many of these issues I can handle in my sleep (which is a good thing since I'm not a morning person and everything before noon is pretty much in my sleep). Now for the fun part. I recently got a new boss. He's a great guy, and a great boss, but I haven't worked with him long enough to anticipate his needs or understand his unclear instructions. Add that to him not using our sales software for reporting needs like my last boss did, and he adds a lot to my workload. I have now been tasked to provide twice monthly reporting on the sales team and there is a very short window for completion of this reporting. The problem is, this reporting isn't easy or fast. I still need to do the rest of my job on top of pulling together these reports. That and depending on what day of the month the first and third Fridays occur, affects how long I have to get the reports done. Luckily this month the 1st Friday isn't until the 5th, so I have 4 full days to go my reports, but the 3rd is on the 16th in April, so I'll have about 2 hours. Is it possible? Who knows, with all the formulas and the automates system reports I've got in place, there is a chance that I can throw it all together that fast now (after putting in hours and hours to prep the reporting files), but I guess I'll find out.

I shouldn't complain, I have a good job and work with great people, but if I can't complain here to blow off steam, then how else can I blow off steam?

Until next time,

The Blogoholic

Meditation

In order to deal with the stress in my life, I have started meditation. After much research, watching programs on meditation, reading books, talking to others, and searching the internet, I decided on what was right for me. My meditation consists of a quiet environment, and a burning candle. For 10 minutes I concentrate about seeing nothing but the flame of the burning candle, staring calmly at the yellow tip of the fire, allowing my eyes to relax and the images around that flame to fade to darkness. When it feels right, I close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing, when I feel my mind start to wander, I open my eyes just enough to see that flame again and re-concentrate on that flame to quiet my thoughts.

The goal of my meditation is to relieve the everyday stresses I've been letting get to me, and calm my thoughts. My hope is that relieving these issues I will be able to sleep better, won't feel like I need to play games to relax, will be able to get a good night's sleep, and will have the centering of body that will allow me to naturally and safely drop some excess weight I've been carrying. I also hope to see an improvement in my immune system, my energy level, my drive to complete things I've started, my memory, and concentration. I think my family would be happy to see an improvement in my mood swings too.

Sounds like a lot for such a simple thing as meditating for 10 minutes a day, and who knows I may be hoping for too much here. But my research has shown me that stress can cause immune problems, moodiness, difficulty sleeping, and weight gain, so why wouldn't relief of that stress cause a reversal of those problems? We'll see how it goes.

Until next time,

The Blogoholic